Help Wanted ghetto complainer

i find complaining unbecoming and yet i have a overwhelming caseload of complaints
I like appearing polite and graceful even when a situation calls for vulgarity so i need someone to complain on my behalf and this should be a Full Time salaried position with benefits
for i cannot allow myself to be marred in such muck and honestly no one person can have as many as i have
so i need vocal ghetto complainer replete with neck riding and sneer must be able to complain on que over the phone or internet and in person when necessary im just going to rub my thumb and you go at it so if you have a knack for complaining please apply