Thursday, August 09, 2007

3 DL Boys vers. the original Homothug

From now on we talk current events im not giving away the cow on this



So My Bf has a thing for DL boys and I want my friends to be happy and satisfied.. It's rather empowering disposition

So although I really cant deal with DL guys (i have a 3 hour threshhold..after which my head explodes ) .. I think they are just cowardly lions.
I decided to teach my Boy how to to attain an ample serving of DL guys using a few methods I tripped upon when i was a teenager ..


Rule 1. Don't Bother with guys that do too many DRUGS regardless of their size they probably have a hard time maintaining hardness (alcohol can be an exception)


Rule 2. Cruising pedestrians is a waste of time
they are often too busy too vulnerable too conscious and terrified of what other people think
(thats why i think they are softies in training) Cruise Drivers!! they are lonelier they feel safer and more isolated .. they probably have been cruising you and riding around the block stalking you and you've hardly noticed.. Open your eyes.
walk with some determination and show no fear ..you have right to bear arms too particularly if you own a business...

Rule 3 : It'll be harder if you "look-a like a man" be a pretty boy small and smooth is better but don't exhibit 'vagina-envy' it degrades you you'll never be a better woman than a woman (even F$%$gs dont like F$%$gs) the farther from this standard the more alcohol you probably need (lol) be confident in this situation they're so scared they're concerned what everyone will think and say you got to be the man you have be the driver..show them how pansy they are for being so cowardly all the while being confident and composed ...How many men have to be in the room before one of you starts acting like one and takes control..

Rule 4.. too good to be giving away here for free My friends know it and its real simple but a lot my jokes end up remixed or verbatim stolen and credited to someone else so so i put this one in my book due for Christmas.. (why should have to go home to poverty?)


so me and my boy we implemented the rules and guess what we got 3 DL guys and two other gay guys ( just in case we need backup ) we know over to the apartment Friday night..


the first two we met at a theatre uptown .. the guy seated next to me kept rubbing my leg with his leg throughout the movie. It was subtle He didn't bend over and start licking my leg it was almost unbearably delicate .. Wherein you don't know if it was just an accident or ... but it continued and progressed as the movies concluded.. I didn't say word about it to my boy seated on the other side of me until the movie was over and we got up to leave .

" I think the guy sitting next to us was rubbing my leg should i say something? .."

"He wanted to fight you."

"what? no i think i he was flirting or .."

"he got big legs?"

"Ill be right back"

As i approached the guy . My confident swagger covering a formidable desire to flee the scene. This guys wasn't just flirting he recognized.

" Hey me and my Bim-boy wanna go get some drinks and i thought you guys you help me carry him home after he gets plastered."

(Comedy always works and it comes easy to me)

they laughed

" I'll go if it cool with my boy"

(Dam he was FYnE.. i hadn't noticed he had a friend with him)


so they accompanied us to a local bar and just when the vultures started moving in we grabbed them up and took them back to my crib


when we get there i discovered they were both agressives ( big surprise..)
and so i started calling and texting qualified submissives to assist me in making them feel comfortable since i am very unhelpful in that regard



My Bf wanted to pick up his friend from Parkchester so he went to go grab him and i was there juggling anecdotes and putting on my rendition of Rocky horror picture show for the guests

anti cip ....................pation


when My Bf arrived in parkchester his friend got the willies and decided to stay put. It started raining as he left to return to a apartment.

although both he and I are calling cab companies it seemed impossible to score a cab .. so he implemented one of my rules and what do you know this hot young puerto rican driver offered him a ride home ..


He's a master student

My BF offered to pay the fella but he declined after a few awkward moment my BF invited the boy upstairs and called me to confirm ... the boy said he'd think about it and my BF headed upstairs ..


" You mean he just took you home and didn't take the money and you didnt mess around? "
"Yep ... that cruising cars thing is so on the money..I think he wants to come upstairs."
"lemme smell your breath."
"what?"
"I want to see if it smells like D!(k... i dont want you scaring off our theater pick-up "
"ok ?"
"ok"

shortly after the boy started ring my buzzer and we let him up


At this point i had three DL guys in my house and i was not likely to do anything with them great ....the things i do to make my friends happy ... i do like to watch

already im bored but i tried to get it started N E Way

" Got some Gin in fridge " (I'm so classy)


Ok we had fun i'd save you the sordid details if this was a pg site but it's not

My BF can put in work

the cab driver was packin and of course so were the two brothers from the theater .. the flirty FYnE one gave me a kiss and that was huge i dont even kiss consistant lovers ..it s was really nice too .. i ended up flippn his friend...


But ...theres always a but..

when the PR driver got up to go he said the typical mandatory DL sign off

"you know if you guys see me in the street you don't know me" with out a a second hesitation i responded."


No one's that cute to me you are all expendable

"Aight aight man I'm busy .. hit it ."


then he rose up
"what?"


then i rose up

"Claro que si ..my heat is on ?"

he looked around at my two theatre friends .. and just left quietly

My bf walk him out


then my BF said

" I think you took that all wrong I kinda think it's sexy when they say stuff like that "


he still got a lot to learn

"Boy... he 'll only say what he thinks he can get away with ..I just let him know he cant say stupid typical crap like that around me.."


Can you imagine what they'd still be saying in rap music

If I didnt stand up to the character rappers n the rest 5 years ago ..n say

"im Too good n too hood for that SH#%$t"



OOOh Remember

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