WE'VE been F'n for a long time now
classic xplicitman
est. 2003
i remembered my promise to get better n better
Chinese Food Mystery
What is it about Chinese food that's so fucking mysterious. Don't get me me wrong I stay on the mai fun with chicken and broccoli but. There are a lot of misleading mysteries to Chinese food. First there's the menu and items General Tsol try saying that in Spanish most and the names are misleading too China Fun, Dragon Palace and Happy Garden. Your nearest Chinese take out is usually nothing like a happy garden. And yet the deception persists Chinese takeout is everywhere with delivery. I bet there's a happy garden near you wherever you are. The counter is like 5 feet high and oils have become this new form of matter a filmy entity that lends a delightful brown accent to everything (someone's has been forcing me to watch queer eye) But I go to Nice ones too ,like China Fun near my parents. The quality can sometimes be queer worlds apart but they're just as mysterious to me there . I always order this roast chicken soup with egg noodle I mean if you wanna surprise me or.. Well one day I went to pick it up and I noticed some of the workers from the restaurant eating lunch and I noticed that they weren't eating the food that they serve up to the customers. Which is a little suspect considering eating Burger King when you work at McDonalds would be a weird thing. Why eat other people's Chinese food? Just when I'm thinking they spit in the food. I realize I've never seen this food in any Chinese restaurant or menu before. They're eating this greens filled super steamy soup it looked really healthy and so I wanted some of this green super soup so I asked the lady at the counter and she said. "No it's not for you. we don't sell for you." After offering her a blank check basically for a bowl of greens I left with my roast chicken egg noodles and headed back home baffled by the customer '/service staff breakdown. I figured I had to change my approach so I pressed the delivery guy this time offering them a very generous tip for some secret soup but they smiled an politely refused my inquiry saying explicitly that it was "not for customers" so anyway I hope you guys will join me in my efforts to finally take down China Fun for discrimination pain and suffering and whatever else. Cause when I ask for some soup I'm gonna get the fucking soup. Beside it's the best way to say welcome to America where the customer is always right.
dedicated to Rita Rudner
Back Yacking
I wonder if cracking your knuckles is good/bad for you or what. I hear that it really doesn't make a difference but then that just doesn't make much sense to me. I actually have chronic stiffness I hardly notice until I go to profile and hear my neck poppin. I'm watching my diet, sleeping with doctors nobody has an definitive answer. I fear one day I'm gonna turn to crack my neck and I'm gonna be like ow! and I'm not gonna be able to turn my neck. Is that what happens as you get older you get increasingly more stiff and stuck? shit I should be fucking chiropractors.
dedicated to Goldie Hawn
Do you believe in ghosts?
Ghosts Sure I have a couple in my apt many of my friends can vouch for the strange incidents that happen through out the apartment if I have a new guest. They try to scare them away. I swear the toilet flushes automatically but not a normal flush but a long hard 60 second flush, the radio will just start blasting, the phone is disconnected or the TV will go off the lights turn on the SHOWER CURTAIN. They even tried to scare me. When I saw the gateway to another dimension in my fridge I looked at that pink void and I said 'you're gonna have to do better than that muthfuckas'. But you have to understand how hard it is to secure a decent crib in NYC 03. But you see I am a communicator and I know how to connect with my spirituality. But that's in the past. I have a great relationship with the ghosts now. They even help me out. I didn't have the clapper for my lights now I can clap and their on. I also feel sexually relieved in the mornings. Go figure
Gay relationships can often turn into a case Chronic Competition.
But there's something you can do.
It was around summertime when a lover of mine was constantly talking about the attention he was getting from other guys. It is true my lover was fine but I found the stories a bit exaggerated and very frequent. I noticed that a situation I was dealing with at school may be should have remained a secret because it was the catalyst for a barrage of flirt stories about persuasive men. These frequent anecdotes could be about a guy following my boyfriend on a daily basis. The guys on the train who can't hold back their affections. Don't get me wrong we all get attention some (Porn Stars?) more than others. But the problem was not the attention either. The problem was the constant conversation about the attention. Some things go better left unsaid. Lovers can sometimes talk too much shit for the sake of passing time. Be a man and know when to shut the fuck up. The problem was that I was not giving my lover enough attention. He was beginning to feel as though I didn't think he was sexy to me. I bought him flowers and confronted him on the issue. I told him that I loved him and that I thought he was beautiful and that he didn't have to remind me that other people find him attractive. Don't forget to let your partner know their special to you. Save yourself the headache
Be Good Boy
I try to be a nice guy but it's hard because then people show you their crazy side. Like I have this good girlfriend she's mad cool but don't tell her about my web site cause she steals jokes. It drives me crazy. She's reciting my conversation to her to her two other friends two hours later.;and In front of me. It's like she showing me her crazy side. Or how about my friend that 's fine as hell but around me he eats boogers Pardons. Or my other girl she's privileged as hell but she gets drunk and she gets amnesia and falls asleep in the streets. I could go on and on . If I have a crazy side I'm sure not looking to get further acquainted with it. It's hard to be a good friend to the secretly insane peoples (SIPS) but I hardly get into drama with them cause I'm like I'll break out B if you get too crazy; or touch me with that hand
dedicated to and inspired by the kim wayons character on living color "ms jenkins ms jenkins"
\\\\Crisis Sex
During the blackout
I missed out on the crisis sex on 9/11 because I was stuck with my family but this time I was not gonna make that mistake again. Crisis Sex How many times does that come around? Well. ..How many times New York, how many times?. During the blackout i had crisis sex on my roof and it was amazing
Best Frames
You Ever notice the weird dynamic that exists in
life when choosing friends. It seems that attractive people can't hang out
with each other for a lot of reasons (Mainly competition jealousy/celoso
cock blocking or copulation/getting it on). The popular alternative option
A Best Frame
an ugly counterpart I hear they re hiring "best frames" near you
est. 2003
i remembered my promise to get better n better
Chinese Food Mystery
What is it about Chinese food that's so fucking mysterious. Don't get me me wrong I stay on the mai fun with chicken and broccoli but. There are a lot of misleading mysteries to Chinese food. First there's the menu and items General Tsol try saying that in Spanish most and the names are misleading too China Fun, Dragon Palace and Happy Garden. Your nearest Chinese take out is usually nothing like a happy garden. And yet the deception persists Chinese takeout is everywhere with delivery. I bet there's a happy garden near you wherever you are. The counter is like 5 feet high and oils have become this new form of matter a filmy entity that lends a delightful brown accent to everything (someone's has been forcing me to watch queer eye) But I go to Nice ones too ,like China Fun near my parents. The quality can sometimes be queer worlds apart but they're just as mysterious to me there . I always order this roast chicken soup with egg noodle I mean if you wanna surprise me or.. Well one day I went to pick it up and I noticed some of the workers from the restaurant eating lunch and I noticed that they weren't eating the food that they serve up to the customers. Which is a little suspect considering eating Burger King when you work at McDonalds would be a weird thing. Why eat other people's Chinese food? Just when I'm thinking they spit in the food. I realize I've never seen this food in any Chinese restaurant or menu before. They're eating this greens filled super steamy soup it looked really healthy and so I wanted some of this green super soup so I asked the lady at the counter and she said. "No it's not for you. we don't sell for you." After offering her a blank check basically for a bowl of greens I left with my roast chicken egg noodles and headed back home baffled by the customer '/service staff breakdown. I figured I had to change my approach so I pressed the delivery guy this time offering them a very generous tip for some secret soup but they smiled an politely refused my inquiry saying explicitly that it was "not for customers" so anyway I hope you guys will join me in my efforts to finally take down China Fun for discrimination pain and suffering and whatever else. Cause when I ask for some soup I'm gonna get the fucking soup. Beside it's the best way to say welcome to America where the customer is always right.
dedicated to Rita Rudner
Back Yacking
I wonder if cracking your knuckles is good/bad for you or what. I hear that it really doesn't make a difference but then that just doesn't make much sense to me. I actually have chronic stiffness I hardly notice until I go to profile and hear my neck poppin. I'm watching my diet, sleeping with doctors nobody has an definitive answer. I fear one day I'm gonna turn to crack my neck and I'm gonna be like ow! and I'm not gonna be able to turn my neck. Is that what happens as you get older you get increasingly more stiff and stuck? shit I should be fucking chiropractors.
dedicated to Goldie Hawn
Do you believe in ghosts?
Ghosts Sure I have a couple in my apt many of my friends can vouch for the strange incidents that happen through out the apartment if I have a new guest. They try to scare them away. I swear the toilet flushes automatically but not a normal flush but a long hard 60 second flush, the radio will just start blasting, the phone is disconnected or the TV will go off the lights turn on the SHOWER CURTAIN. They even tried to scare me. When I saw the gateway to another dimension in my fridge I looked at that pink void and I said 'you're gonna have to do better than that muthfuckas'. But you have to understand how hard it is to secure a decent crib in NYC 03. But you see I am a communicator and I know how to connect with my spirituality. But that's in the past. I have a great relationship with the ghosts now. They even help me out. I didn't have the clapper for my lights now I can clap and their on. I also feel sexually relieved in the mornings. Go figure
Gay relationships can often turn into a case Chronic Competition.
But there's something you can do.
It was around summertime when a lover of mine was constantly talking about the attention he was getting from other guys. It is true my lover was fine but I found the stories a bit exaggerated and very frequent. I noticed that a situation I was dealing with at school may be should have remained a secret because it was the catalyst for a barrage of flirt stories about persuasive men. These frequent anecdotes could be about a guy following my boyfriend on a daily basis. The guys on the train who can't hold back their affections. Don't get me wrong we all get attention some (Porn Stars?) more than others. But the problem was not the attention either. The problem was the constant conversation about the attention. Some things go better left unsaid. Lovers can sometimes talk too much shit for the sake of passing time. Be a man and know when to shut the fuck up. The problem was that I was not giving my lover enough attention. He was beginning to feel as though I didn't think he was sexy to me. I bought him flowers and confronted him on the issue. I told him that I loved him and that I thought he was beautiful and that he didn't have to remind me that other people find him attractive. Don't forget to let your partner know their special to you. Save yourself the headache
Be Good Boy
I try to be a nice guy but it's hard because then people show you their crazy side. Like I have this good girlfriend she's mad cool but don't tell her about my web site cause she steals jokes. It drives me crazy. She's reciting my conversation to her to her two other friends two hours later.;and In front of me. It's like she showing me her crazy side. Or how about my friend that 's fine as hell but around me he eats boogers Pardons. Or my other girl she's privileged as hell but she gets drunk and she gets amnesia and falls asleep in the streets. I could go on and on . If I have a crazy side I'm sure not looking to get further acquainted with it. It's hard to be a good friend to the secretly insane peoples (SIPS) but I hardly get into drama with them cause I'm like I'll break out B if you get too crazy; or touch me with that hand
dedicated to and inspired by the kim wayons character on living color "ms jenkins ms jenkins"
\\\\Crisis Sex
During the blackout
I missed out on the crisis sex on 9/11 because I was stuck with my family but this time I was not gonna make that mistake again. Crisis Sex How many times does that come around? Well. ..How many times New York, how many times?. During the blackout i had crisis sex on my roof and it was amazing
Best Frames
You Ever notice the weird dynamic that exists in
life when choosing friends. It seems that attractive people can't hang out
with each other for a lot of reasons (Mainly competition jealousy/celoso
cock blocking or copulation/getting it on). The popular alternative option
A Best Frame
an ugly counterpart I hear they re hiring "best frames" near you
posted by xplicitman at 11:57 AM
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